Category: Self Help

Some may see practicing self-love as a luxury they can’t afford, but I say it’s the only way to fall in love by taking care of yourself being the best version you can be.

Life gets so hectic that you forget to stop and breathe.

You don’t have time to cultivate a much-needed mind-body-soul connection, but it’s time to put your needs first, love yourself and promote your own well-being for a change.

You’re a human being, not a machine. By always taking care of others and being at their disposal, you are neglecting your deeply needed time!

When was the last time you did anything for yourself? If you don’t remember, it’s been a long time!

By learning to be your best friend, you will be better equipped to take care of the people who depend on you, such as your children.

People often leave their big proclamations and decisions for the new year, but if you keep departing your journey to happiness, eventually you will be exhausted.

For the sake of you and your favorite people, it’s time to follow a path of deep healing. Create a positive mindset that will help you understand that your needs are just as important as anyone else’s.

Why is that? Because nurturing your mind, body and soul is not a luxury – it is a necessity.

See also: Why do you love me? Over 120 lovely ways to answer this question

13 ways to start making self-care a priority

1. SET ASIDE QUALITY TIME FOR ME EVERY DAY

Having a family, a busy working life, or completing your course means that you rarely leave time just for your own needs. But if you keep looking at it that way – it’s never the right time to put yourself first.

Here’s the trick. No matter what you have on your plate today, decide that between 1 pm and 2 pm is strictly time for me!

Leave what you’re doing and take a break. Take a walk, send a message to your best friend, or take to social media to see what Zara has again!

Shake off all the stress of the day and put a smile on your face. There will always be more important things than putting yourself first.

But if you choose to end it, it can become a good routine that will allow you to breathe, relax, relieve yourself of any anxiety and do whatever you want.

The world won’t fall apart if you take an hour for yourself. Your family won’t fall apart if you take a short break to recharge.

The sooner you realize that you can’t always function in beast mode for everyone, less for yourself, the sooner you’ll find peace and inner joy.

2. PRACTICE POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

Recent studies show that doing this regularly helps improve your mental health, your well-being and successfully combats accumulated stress.

Practicing positive affirmations shifts your focus from your negative dispositions to a more positive perspective. In any darkness, there is some bright light, you just need to want to find it.

Eliminate your negative thoughts at the root with these positively inspiring daily affirmations:

If you have good thoughts, they will shine on your face like rays of sunshine, and you will always look beautiful. – Roald Dahl

Am I good enough? Yes, I am. -Michelle Obama

We don’t need magic to transform our world. We’ve already carried all the power we need within ourselves. J. K. Rowling

Your life is already a miracle of chance waiting for you to shape your destiny. – Tony Morrison

We must be willing to abandon the life we plan to have the life that is waiting for us. – Joseph Campbell

The only courage you need is the courage to realize the dreams of your own life. Oprah

Your crown was bought and paid for. Put it on your head and use it. – Maya Angelou

When life brings you down or when you’re yourself, remember that. Write them down and they can serve as a list of things that will propel you every day of the week.

That way, you won’t allow yourself to be negative or deprive yourself of self-love. These are your reminders that you are important.

See also: How to be mature? 18 tips to help you increase your maturity levels

3. TRAVEL AS FAR AS YOUR SITUATION ALLOWS

You spend a lot of time at home, taking care of daily tasks and meeting everyone’s needs. This leaves you with little or no time for some much-needed trips, even if to a nearby place.

The idea of leaving (even for a day or two) is to recharge, recover and focus on your mental health.

I understand that scheduling a trip at this point may seem a little out of reach, but is it?

I’m suggesting you consider taking the next weekend off, taking your best friend, and spending quality time reconnecting and pampering yourself.

Your kids will survive two days with their father (who always has grandma’s service) and their work doesn’t matter on weekends!

Stop making excuses about why you shouldn’t and start telling yourself all the reasons why you should!

This will increase your morale, change your entire negative focus and create an abundance of positive memories that will contribute to your overall well-being and happiness.

4. CORRECT YOUR IRREGULAR SLEEP SCHEDULE

I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but the amount of sleep you sleep each night predetermines how you will handle your hectic day.

Sleep affects you physically and emotionally. And the stress you go through during the day, as well as the constant demands of your time, affect your sleep schedule.

Do you see the endless circle? To ensure a good night’s sleep, create a routine and try to stick to it every night.

This means not forgetting your nightly skincare routine, dispensing sugar and caffeine before going to bed, and practicing positive thoughts, rather than harboring negative thoughts.

If work is causing unnecessary stress, find a way to get rid of it when the day comes to an end.

Deal with this during the day, so you know when night comes, it’s time to follow your routine that will help you focus and find some serenity.

Nights should be your sacred moment when you create a Zen atmosphere and get rid of all the negative distractions of the day.

5. TRY TO IMPLEMENT DAILY EXERCISES IN YOUR LIFE

We all know how much exercise can do for our bodies. But did you know that it affects you remarkably in other ways as well?

Exercise boosts the immune system, relieves stress, anxiety, and worries, and significantly improves mood while making it healthier every day!

This will not only help you lose weight (if that’s your goal, of course), but it will also significantly improve the quality of your life.

Exercise doesn’t always need to include academia, because we all know how expensive associations can be. Instead, go hiking, run with your friends, or take a hobby that allows you to be active!

You won’t believe how stress-free your life will soon be and how it will be easier to handle everyone’s business.

Exercise will bring you nothing but good positive vibes and a welcome change to your lifestyle that you didn’t know you needed (until now).

See also: What does love mean? Everything you need to know about this magical emotion

6. START EATING HEALTHILY

I’ve always struggled with my diet. I’m not necessarily overweight, but I’m far from my ideal weight.

I used to have a very healthy body that I didn’t appreciate. I always believed I was too fat, but I couldn’t be more wrong.

Now that I’ve gained more weight than I’d like to admit, I’ve finally forced myself to eat right.

Some changes needed to be made, and if I wanted to be happy inside, it had to be done.

It was difficult at first, but now, after a few weeks of healthy eating, I noticed some amazing changes and also lost a few uncomfortable pounds.

Some delicious but nutritious foods will ensure that you eat healthily, and tastes great.

You just need to make an effort to take the first step to wanting to make a change. And as soon as you do that, you’re going to fall in love with taking care of yourself.

Once you get healthy, there’s no turning back!

7. THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH SAYING ‘NO’

It’s really hard for people to learn to just say no when they’re being asked to do something they don’t want to do.

But to put yourself first, it’s crucial to get rid of energy vampires and refuse to do something when you’re overwhelmed, stressed and unwilling.

Always saying yes can lead to a depletion that will deteriorate your progress on your journey of self-care.

It will take some getting used to, but when you get the hang of politely refusing to be taken advantage of, you’ll start to feel more empowered.

You are not obliged to be available to anyone. You have every right to do things that contribute to your well-being.

If you are being asked to go against your inner voice, feel free to say no. Your gut will tell you when someone crosses a line. You know what to do when that happens.

8. ENJOY NATURE

Taking some fresh air and being one with Mother Nature makes all the difference!

Spending some time outdoors (even 15 minutes) reduces your stress levels and helps you be more attentive to your surroundings.

And when you combine some time in nature with some physical activity, you know it’s going to be SO good.

Take a walk through the forest, take a run alone, put on a song and motivate yourself to go as far as you can.

Breathe in this fresh air as much as your daily schedule allows, as I know you’re probably restricted to four walls most of the day.

Any chance you have to leave – enjoy. It is a natural energy booster that you should never take for granted.

See also: Marriage goals: 15 main things all couples should focus on

9. GET A PET!

Having a pet can improve your endless life. I have had my dog for exactly three years and my life has been saved in many ways.

Before adopting it (my dog’s name is Tia), I couldn’t handle stress very well. Things were bad for a long time, and there was always something wrong with my life. (True story.)

But once she came into my life, it was like everything has a new purpose. I had no idea how kind, attentive, intelligent, and loving this being could help me get well again.

Dogs are known to help their humans cope with stress as they can feel when you are depressed and immediately start caring.

They’re your best friends and you’re their whole world. The love you get from a dog is something you can’t understand until you get one.

Playing with your dog, taking him for a walk, and simply hugging him will do wonders for your mind, body, and soul. I promise I promise.

10. LET YOURSELF BE APPRECIATED AND LOVED FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO

When you spend a lot of time taking care of others, it becomes kind of a norm. This makes you very bad at accepting compliments because you feel it’s your duty in some way.

But not that. This is your own free will and your kind heart at work. You are selfless, humble, grateful, and full of compassion. Let yourself be loved by it!

Let your spouse express their love without feeling that you do not deserve it. Let your best friend tell you why she loves you so much. You deserve this!

Let your children love you in special and goofy ways. You’re a rock star in their eyes!

Don’t shut people up when they’re complimenting you your way. Embrace them, accept them and enjoy them.

You’re well worth every kind word you hear. It’s not easy being the right person for everyone. So when your efforts and time are appreciated – pat it on the back.

When you learn to appreciate yourself for all the amazing things you do, it will affect others as well. Take care of your mind and you will learn never to neglect it again.

11. ALLOW YOURSELF TO LEAVE AND LOOSEN AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH

No, it’s not a selfish notion to think about going to a club, dancing to your feet hurting, and regretting everything in the morning (but not really).

No, that doesn’t mean you’re neglecting your spouse or your children. It’s taking a very necessary time to explore your individuality and just be happy in the moment.

People who understand that life does not stop the moment they settle down, form a family and become responsible adults, lead a better life.

Remember, you are the creator of your happiness. You shape it with your thoughts and actions. You can choose to do something for yourself or you can choose to continue taking your joy.

Live a little! Get out of your rut and dance your butt! It will improve your mood and ability to deal with what tomorrow brings exponentially.

Stop harboring negative and troubling thoughts. You have tomorrow to deal with whatever it takes.

Today, put on your best clothes, love yourself to the fullest, and just decide to laugh all night long.

See also: 120 inspirational quotes and proverbs to keep your head up

12. TAKE A HOBBY THAT SATISFIES YOU

Have you ever wanted to start dancing? Maybe you always wanted to secretly learn how to tango and surprise your partner! Well, why not?

If not now, when? When you’re old and gray? Take every opportunity you have to show yourself some love. Do what ignites your soul.

If it’s tango, so be it! But there are so many possibilities out there. You can take piano lessons, learn to box (yes!), or climb. What’s stopping you?

You’re the only one in your way. Dare to do what you believed you couldn’t, cross your boundaries, and challenge yourself to do the things that scare you.

Only then will you see what is done. And my gut says you’ll be very impressed!

Doing something that makes you happy (which you don’t need to share with anyone) will help you fall in love by taking care of yourself.

The sooner you do this, the sooner your life will take a whole new turn for the better.

13. CONSIDER VOLUNTEERING

Volunteering is an incredible and selfless way of giving back that will undoubtedly greatly affect the way you see yourself and the world around you.

Giving back is nourishing the soul, and let’s be honest – if everyone decided to do it at least once or twice a month, think about the difference it would make!

You certainly can’t change the world, but you can change the mark you leave on it.

Volunteering will humiliate you, sadden you, completely change your priorities and make you see how short, fragile and unfair life can be.

In turn, you can start taking better care of yourself, after seeing so many whose lives have changed quickly for the worse.

Allow yourself this humiliating experience and your soul will be grateful. I have volunteered for some time at an animal shelter and it has been a deeply beautiful experience.

It takes so little to make someone’s life better. The same goes for treating your precious self.

Give yourself the same love you give others because you never really know what life holds for tomorrow.

CHOOSE SELF-LOVE…

And practice it every day. Choose self-care, and being there for others will become a breeze. Fall in love with taking care of yourself and you will never settle for less.

Being attentive to yourself and your needs is the way to become the best version of yourself and attract positivity and good vibes in the process.

If you want to be a good partner, you need to love yourself first. If you want to be a good parent, you first need to take care of your mind and your body.

Can you see the pattern now? It all starts with your relationship with yourself.

Once you realize that you are your longest commitment (so your number one priority), being kind to yourself will become the norm.

Preserving your mental, emotional and physical well-being is the key to your mind-body-soul connection. Feed them wisely and their productivity rates will be off the charts.

Prioritize your well-being over any tasks, supplications, and hassles that aren’t your concern. Your mental health journey is important and you have the power to see it.

When you fall to the lowest point of your life and your whole body is sore from the pain you are feeling deep in your heart and soul, you have no choice but to change.

You have no choice but to change the way you do things, the way you see the world, and the way you allow others to treat you.

When you get tired of being broken again and again, when you get tired of doing different things, but always ending up in the same place, when you get tired of people constantly letting you down, you realize that there’s no point in being angry with someone or holding a grudge because, in the end, it doesn’t do you any good.

For a long time, I’ve been mad at the whole world. For a long time, I was fighting battles inside my head, keeping me up late at night and arguing with God for letting everything hurt me.

But then I realized it’s not God who’s doing me so much damage. I’m the one holding back the pain others have caused me.

For a long time, I held a grudge and allowed my anger to spread within me. I was solely responsible for letting my soul rot because I didn’t know otherwise.

I still struggle with it, but I’m slowly learning to let go. I’m slowly learning the wisdom of this life.

I’m slowly learning that those who have drifted away should never stay.

Everyone who came into my life had a purpose. You were supposed to love me, break me or teach me a lesson. Sometimes it was all that together.

But regardless of the feelings caused or my wishes that they remain in my life, now I know that no one who shouldn’t be in my life could stay, no matter how much I wanted.

I’m slowly learning that those who weren’t there for me when they should be didn’t know better.

Not all people in this world can feel empathy. Not all people feel they should be there in times of need for those who have been there for them.

Not all people like me and that’s fine. Now I know that those who chose not to be there for me knew nothing better.

They don’t know how to take care of anyone but themselves. And let me down had nothing to do with me. I’m finally ready to accept that it wasn’t my fault.

I’m slowly learning that those who hurt me don’t have to have power over me forever.

I’m learning to stop empowering people who hurt me. I’m learning to forgive and move on.

I’m slowly teaching myself how to heal, patch my wounds and not just allow people to have power over me long after they hurt me.

Truth be told, they chose to deliberately hurt me or chose to ignore the things they did to me, so why should I allow them to occupy my mind and disturb my peace? I shouldn’t and I won’t.

I’m gradually learning that I don’t have to force anything.

The time has come to admit to myself that the people who should be in my life don’t expect me to pursue them. I won’t have to beg anyone – not for love, not for time, not for putting myself on your priority list.

I need to learn to be patient and trust that everything has its own time in my life and that the things that must happen will find their way to me. Meanwhile, the least I can do is try to be the best version of myself. As simple as that.

I’m slowly learning that living in the past isn’t living.

For a long time, I clung to pass events and went over them in my head. For a long time, I had this terrible habit of thinking about the things that hurt me and what I could have done to avoid them.

For a long time, I imagined the events that broke my heart with different results. And that’s not how you live life.

That’s how you get stuck in the past and miss living. You have to put aside what happened to fully welcome the things in life that are going your way.

Gradually I’m learning to control my life.

I let so many things happen to me to determine my life course. I allowed other people’s actions to affect my behavior and the way I treat myself and my life.

For a long time, I was toxic to myself because I didn’t know how to let go or how to take control. I clung to the things that happened and it all burned in me for a long time. But not anymore.

Now it’s time for me to forgive those who hurt me. It’s time to move on.

It’s time to put aside all the emotional baggage I have; It’s time to accept all the lessons I’ve learned and others have forced me to learn. It’s time to put aside the pain others have caused me and know better than to allow them to do it again.

It’s time to be happy. I may not get there right away, but I’m ready for this journey.

It’s not going to happen overnight, but I’m sure it will eventually happen.

A few days ago, my ex called. Yes, the ex. The one who broke my heart beyond repair, the one who left unjustly scars on my soul, and the one who escaped.

I bet you know exactly who I’m talking about. Let’s face it: which woman hasn’t had at least one of those in the past?

What did he want? You must be wondering Well, what could a toxic man like him want from the woman who once loved him like there was no tomorrow?

If someone who didn’t know him had heard our conversation (yes, I picked up the phone), they’d think he was a changed man trying to fix things.

Or maybe he wants to come back because he finally realized I’m the woman of his dreams?

But I know him better than that. I know this was nothing but a desperate attempt to make sure I’m still there.

An attempt to check if it will shake my world any time it appears in my life unexpectedly.

It was his way of seeing if he could still count on me. An effort to increase his fragile ego once again and prove to both of us that I will wait for him with my arms open every time.

However, this is not important now. I discovered this man a long time ago, and nothing he does or says can surprise me.

However, what surprised me were my emotions.

For the first time, I didn’t shudder when I saw his number on my phone display.

I didn’t feel the butterflies fluttering in my belly, and I didn’t feel like running toward it as if nothing bad had happened between us.

That must mean I’m over this guy, right? Did I finally stop loving him? Did the miracle finally happen?

Can that be true? If I was, I wouldn’t feel that burning pain anywhere inside me anymore every time I think of everything he’s done to me.

Then he hit me: I got over this man – I did not overcome the pain he caused me. My old wounds are still alive, not because I still have feelings for him, but because I never had the closure I needed.

But how can you find closing with someone who has a totally different point of view from yours? How can I get an explanation from a man who’s convinced he’s never done me any harm?

The answer is, I can’t and Never will. Instead, I have to write the end of this chapter myself. After all, that’s the art of finding closure for old wounds – you accept that there is closure.

I’m never going to get a logical explanation for everything that happened between us. This man will never give me a valid answer to my unanswered questions.

I’ll never find out why he feels the need to invade my life from time to time. I’ll never know why he wouldn’t let me go sooner when he knew very well that he could never give me what I wanted.

All I have left to do is deal with my crap on my own.

The first step in my healing journey is forgiveness. I have to forgive him for being an idiot who threw me, and then, I have to forgive myself for choosing so badly and for being so stupid.

More importantly, I have to accept that this guy was never the man I thought he was. He doesn’t have a good side hidden in his personality, without repressed emotions.

There is not a heart well hidden under all layers of indifference and toxicity.

After I can do that, I have to let him go. I have to put aside the memory of us, and more importantly, I have to stop obsessing about what could and should have been.

And then, I have to stop answering the phone when the past calls me. It is a well-known fact that you should keep your wounds clean if you want them to heal properly.

I have to accept that things happened exactly the way they were supposed to. Despite all this, there’s a reason I was part of this poisonous novel: to learn a lesson.

There was no other way to find out that all wounds can be healed. You just have to know the trick of how to do it.

Are you?

Feeling unworthy can be rooted in many experiences we had as children, teenagers, or adults.

Not everyone who feels unworthy feels the same way, it all depends on where that feeling of exhaustion comes from.

Struggling to see anything through that overwhelming sense of indignity is incredibly exhausting. There are ways, though, that you can help yourself.

It’s time for you to enter into a new relationship with your mind and soul. Your true self is hidden there, ready to shine.

Explore some of the most likely reasons why you’re feeling unworthy and follow our advice on how to undo that feeling and find freedom.

5 possible reasons why you’re feeling unworthy

1. YOU HAVE HAD DISTANT OR DEMANDING PARENTS WHO HAVE NOT GIVEN YOU ENOUGH LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE

The feeling of indignity may be rooted in your mind and soul since you were just a child.

If your parents or caregivers were distant in some way (physically, emotionally, or psychologically), this may have made you not feel well enough.

Every good therapy session starts with a therapist asking questions about the patient’s childhood years and there is a good reason for that.

At a time when our minds develop and learn to deal with emotions, our surroundings play an incredibly important role.

Everything that happens in the first two years of our life is fundamental roots for the development of a person’s mental health.

His parents may have been loving and present, but very demanding during his adolescence and adolescence.

Constantly trying to fulfill all your expectations and demands and never feeling that you have managed to completely satisfy them, will make you feel unworthy.

2. THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE ARE JUDGMENTAL AND CRITICAL

Everyone seeks acceptance. It is our human need to want to be part of society, community, or group of any kind.

To feel that way, we are generally prone to adapt and change who we are to fit in.

Most of the time, a human being who is trying to change his essence to be accepted will develop the feeling of being unworthy.

What you are will always be a part of you, making you think you don’t belong.

Some people are always willing to cast their attitudes and opinions on others, offering little acceptance and much judgment and criticism.

There is a chance that you will be surrounded by family and friends (yes, they are usually your loved ones) who unknowingly make you feel less worthy.

In their minds, they are motivating you to become better, but what they are doing is ruining your self-esteem.

3. YOU ARE OVERLY SELF-CRITICAL

Frantically try to become the best possible version of yourself, then criticize yourself harshly whenever you make some kind of mistake – this usually causes low self-esteem.

It’s a positive thing to try to improve yourself, but judging yourself on a level that makes you feel less worthy is a problem.

You think your behavior and thoughts come from your honest desire to ensure your well-being, but not.

This need for perfection in everything you do is causing many negative emotions that, one by one, make your life a living hell.

Doubt leads to constant criticism in your mind, or even aloud, and this leads to hatred of yourself, a devastating emotion from which it can be difficult to recover.

4. YOU HAVE HAD TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES

You have been abused emotionally, mentally, or physically by an unknown person, a parent, family member, or boyfriend/husband.

If there is a traumatic experience in your past, you can be almost sure that this is what is causing your feelings of indignity.

Every kind of abuse leaves a mark – a deep scar that can be on your body, your mind, or your soul.

Most of the time it’s in all three and it takes a lot of positivity, outside help, self-help, and strength to deal with it.

Going through abuse of any kind knocks down your self-esteem and makes you question everything about yourself, including your self-esteem.

5. YOU HAVE AN INININATO DESIRE TO MEET THE NEEDS OF OTHERS

There are people who, for one reason or another, seem to need to meet the needs and expectations of others.

No matter what else is happening in your life, they only feel good when needed and when they can respond accordingly.

If you are one of those people, finding yourself in circumstances of life in which you simply cannot satisfy a person (some people are impossible to satisfy) or are no longer needed, you will feel less worthy for not doing your job.

In addition, in the long run, constantly caring for others and never paying attention to your own needs will make you feel useless.

6 powerful ways to put aside feelings of unworthiness

1. ACCEPT YOUR EMOTIONS

The first step to solving a problem is to admit that you have one. Your emotions are important.

The way you feel isn’t shameful. Right now, it’s authentic and yours.

Accept it for what it is. Don’t try to beautify him in your mind.

Think about how you feel throughout the day and what triggers your feelings of unworthiness.

Try to connect these triggers to real motives (things that happened in your past) that made you question your self-esteem.

Connecting the dots will help you to be consciously in tune with what you are feeling and therefore will be a starting point to finding the way to freedom.

2. REVISIT YOUR ATTITUDES ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY

If someone asked you now to talk about yourself, what would you say?

There’s a good chance your answer will be filled with many negative traits (at least in your mind, if you didn’t say them out loud).

We form our opinions about ourselves according to how other people respond to us. If you were surrounded by negative, critical, and judgmental people, the feedback you received was probably horrible.

If something traumatizing happened to you or your parents didn’t do a good job giving you love and acceptance, it also shaped the way you think about yourself.

Review those opinions.

Try to think of yourself in other terms, such as: being kind to others, succeeding in certain things, being funny, and being… whatever you are.

You’re not who they tell you you are, you’re who you are.

3. PUT ASIDE OTHER PEOPLE’S JUDGMENT ATTITUDES

Trying to carry the expectations that others put on your back is a difficult task. People judge us not based on who we are, but on who we are. Always remember that.

What someone thinks of you usually speaks a lot more about them than you do. Why is that? Because we see the world and other people through our experiences, emotions, and souls, not theirs.

Other people see only a small part of you and allow themselves to judge you and criticize you based on that. If what you do doesn’t match them, it just means you don’t suit them.

That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t suit you.

You make yourself. Put aside what others think of you, or worse yet, what you think they think of you.

4. THINK ABOUT ITS POSITIVE CHARACTERISTICS

The path to acceptance and self-love is long, and there are some important steps you must take.

One is to remember their strengths, talents, and virtues, and to be genuinely proud of them.

Think of positive things you’ve done that have brought about a change in someone’s life. Think of all the kindness and love you spread among others.

Find a way to remember that you have so many positive traits. Write somewhere or invent a personal mantra that speaks to you.

Say that every day for as long as you need. Learn to recognize your virtues as you recognize those of others.

Every success is important – celebrate them all.

5. ALWAYS TRY TO DO YOUR BEST

Over time, feeling unworthy can cause a person to stop trying. What that does is only makes things worse.

Whatever you do, always try to do it with as much energy, passion, and love as you can.

This will not only make your success more likely and therefore increase your low self-esteem but doing something with great care and involvement will make you feel stronger on your own.

Don’t do something simply to finish (unless it’s something you want to do). Try to get involved, especially when it’s something you love.

6. TAKE IT EASY, EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES

Exercise self-compassion. No matter how good you are at something, you will make a mistake sooner or later.

It is absolutely normal and even necessary. Mistakes are our teachers.

When something like this happens, don’t immediately criticize yourself or accumulate negative emotions. Imagine it’s someone else who did what you did.

What would you say to them? I guarantee you’d be much more tolerant and less critical of who you’re not.

Apply the empathy, understanding, and compassion you are willing to give to others for yourself.

Realizing your self-esteem comes from loving yourself and loving yourself comes from accepting who you are – mistakes and everything.

You only know the real emotional pain when someone you love hurts you and causes you a heartbreak that you didn’t even know existed.

Having a loved one tear ing away your heart and not taking responsibility for the near-physical pain they caused results in many negative feelings.

Here, we will discuss the most effective ways to deal with this burden.

Waiting for you not to have hurt feelings when someone hurts you is one of the worst parts of dealing with this situation.

I remember the great heartbreak I went through when my partner of almost three years left me just a few days before our anniversary.

The breakup was excruciating enough, but he expected me to just forgive and forget when the hurt was too raw.

As if putting aside your significant other, then just putting a smile the next day was somehow normal… But it taught me a few things.

See also: 18 simple ways to become a priority the way you deserve

Can we somehow learn from pain?

Nothing ever goes away until you’ve taught us what we need to know. – Chödrön Pema

I firmly believe that is true. Pain is here to teach us lessons we never knew we needed. And as hard as it sounds sometimes, it ends up turning you into a stronger individual.

Whoever caused your pain, the discomfort you feel afterward is as painful as it is enlightening.

Maybe it was your best friend who decided you weren’t good enough for them anymore.

Maybe it was a co-worker with whom you believe you have created a lasting bond, only to hear them speak ill of you in the office.

Sometimes it is a family member who shows his true feelings towards you the first time you dare to put your mental health above your incessant demands.

Pain is universal. No living being on this earth is exempt from being under the sporting of devastating emotional pain.

However, most people can’t see beyond what they feel at a given time. For most, pain is a major inconvenience that wreaks havoc on your life and causes them to spend time trying to deal with it.

It is in our nature to long for pleasure and waits for the pain to surround us. It’s embedded in our brain that pain is an uncomfortable feeling that does nothing but hurt us.

But have you ever stopped to think about what pain can teach you?

Pain is your body’s sign that changes need to be made. No matter what kind of pain, it’s a sign that appropriate measures need to be taken to get better and more resilient.

When you face your pain head-on, instead of suppressing it and letting it burn from the inside, you have the advantage.

Ignoring it does nothing good, but being proactive puts you in charge of this negative experience. It requires a strong will, a lot of courage, and determination to get up and get off the other side.

Personally, when I come up with enormous pain, I wonder: How can I use this hard and negative experience as a means for personal introspection?

In the back of my mind, I always try to think of ways that will allow positivity to find me and help me regain self-love before I run out.

Let’s be honest – pain leads us to see things from a different point of view.

This makes you take a step back, reassess the situation and find out how you contributed to where you are currently. It makes you see the big picture and what matters at that moment.

Sometimes you will find it difficult to see what you are trying to teach you and other times, it will be as clear as day. Ask yourself this:

Why is this happening to me?

How have I made my current disposition affect?

How can I let this become more careful and stronger in the future?

See also: Why we hurt the people we love: 11 hidden reasons

7 techniques to help you cope when someone hurts you

1. CONSIDER WHAT REALLY HAPPENED AND DON’T REACT INSTINCTIVELY

It’s normal to let your instincts guide you when someone you love hurts you.

At this particular time, it’s hard to keep a cool, serene head and we often let our hearts take control.

After all, we’re just human.

And most of the time, your instinct gives you a pretty clear indication of what happened and how you should respond.

However, I encourage you to try to find the possible hidden truth to make sure you are not letting the old pain affect your current reaction.

True love makes us blind sometimes. I mean, what do you do when the person you hoped to spend eternity with takes you by surprise with the pain you’ve never seen coming?

However, after the initial and overwhelming reaction passes you through and allow you to see things as they are, only then you should react appropriately.

Remember, it’s always better to react intentionally rather than instinctively. It may look good for a second, but in the grand scheme of things, it won’t bring closure.

2. DON’T ASSUME YOU’RE ALWAYS RIGHT

Remember – there are two sides to each story. Although no one is denying your pain, consider all possible perspectives before stating that you are right.

The need to be always right can result from past unfortunate experiences of emotional abuse.

This may have prevented you from giving up control and hoping to always be on the right side of the story.

However, the truth is that everyone has the right to be heard and understood.

Different opinions are anything but unusual and, in such situations, it is important to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

Can you try to see things from their perspective? What could have caused them to cause pain (possibly unintentionally)?

It’s okay to disagree, but for your emotional well-being, it’s crucial to see things for who they are and not what you need them to be.

When someone you love hurts you so deeply, it’s normal to be vulnerable and hesitant to admit that they had something to do with it.

But you will have to dig deep to see how your actions may have led to that current state.

Yes, it hurts and yes, you’re entitled to your pain. But don’t be the one who throws the first stone. We all have our faults and no story is as simple as we’d like it to be.

You can still get hurt and be broken even if you’re able to admit that it somehow contributed to how it all turned out.

See also: How to make a person dodge miss you: 10 proven techniques

3. KNOW THAT SOMETIMES THE OTHER PERSON IS BEYOND SALVATION

A real change in our mind, body, and soul has to come from within. It is not and should never be affected by external factors.

A change will never be what you need it to be until you are ready to happen. The change in your psyche happens when you and only you come to certain achievements.

And one of those things is that other people can’t be changed, no matter how hard you try for it.

If they’re not ready, it just won’t happen. Circumstances have to be right and your willpower has to be strong.

You can’t carry someone else’s emotional burden on your back.

When someone you love hurts you, it’s that person who needs to grow up. And all on their own.

You can poke them, encourage them and just be there for them, but it’s up to them whether or not they let that experience improve their behavior or push them further into the rabbit hole.

A person has to be willing to make an intentional decision to push a button. The only question is, do they want to be different? Do they want to learn from their mistakes?

If they don’t, there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not your job to carry them toward your happily ever after. It’s not your job to save them.

And the hardest pill to swallow is this: some people just can’t be saved.

No matter what you do, they will always choose to be the villain of your story. No matter how much you want them to improve for them and you, it won’t happen.

You can offer your unwavering support if you decide to forgive them. You can be the voice of reason if they need to. But the hard work is theirs and theirs alone.

4. TAKE YOUR MISTAKES THAT MAY HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO YOUR PAIN

Introspection is a good thing. It encourages personal growth, makes you feel liberated, and allows you to mature without holding a childish grudge.

However, when reassessing this situation, be 100 percent sure that we are talking about a legitimate error. Don’t be coerced into admitting something that wasn’t done by you.

Also, don’t let your past negative experiences affect how you react to your current situation.

Just because you may have been hurt in the past, you don’t get a free pass to skate guilt-free during this whole ordeal.

You can’t treat the other person because of your difficult past.

Recognize that they are not to blame for what you’ve been through. They’re not the ones who hurt you or contributed to your anxiety or fear of being around someone.

Although you are entitled to your pain, it does not mean that you are never to blame, so always admit your mistakes without pointing the finger where they do not belong.

We’ve all been shaped by our past, some negatively, others positively, but that’s no excuse for not being a decent human being.

I’m sure you’re aware of this now, so simply remember to apologize when an apology is due.

Sometimes that’s all you need for a clean slate.

See also: Using the power of words wisely will change your life

5. THINK, EVALUATE, AND RESPOND

After your initial reaction stops, give yourself a fair chance to press pause and think hard about what just happened.

Wait a while before you do or say something you might regret. Sometimes that’s the key to a new and revealing point of view.

That way, you start to regain control of the situation. Simply reacting, you’re just adding fuel to the fire. And we all know that’s not good.

Their past experiences may have caused certain triggers that the other person unconsciously activates with their actions. But remember – they don’t know they’re doing it, only you know.

Therefore, stop, think, evaluate, and respond appropriately, as this ability will allow your reaction to having more meaning and power.

Educate them about how they are making you feel, even if they are oblivious to it (and rightly so). A person cannot know what goes on in his mind until you tell them.

Help them understand how and why this is making you feel that way.

As I have said, true love can be blind, and sometimes it is up to you to open your eyes to the reality of your actions and help them help you.

That doesn’t justify their behavior, but it means they may have been completely inadvertent. Yes, they caused emotional pain, but they didn’t know they were pressing their buttons.

And the good thing is that now, after hearing your side of the story, they will surely know better in the future.

6. BUILD BRIDGES, NOT WALLS!

What exactly does that mean? It’s pretty simple really. Don’t take a defensive stance and build walls around your heart.

Instead, take a stand fueled by a feeling of love, forgiveness, and acceptance!

That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re okay with being hurt. Far from it. But it is much better than having a hostile attitude that does not allow growth and leaves no room for forgiveness.

It is easier to deal with unpleasant situations when you open your heart, mind, and soul. Once you consciously practice a positive attitude, it will help you find your way into the darkness.

Your actions are not justified by this and you do not need to forgive and forget until you are completely ready.

You are simply deciding to react in a calm way that will bring you more peace than a defensive posture ever could.

Build bridges, not walls. Invite forgiveness, not resentment. Let people atone for their mistakes rather than being bitter and resentful.

After leaving room for possible reconciliation, you will immediately notice great relief in your heart.

Not to mention that the chances of the person who hurt you walking towards you rather than walking away from you are extremely high.

Take the highest road. Be the bigger person. Show your will and ability to forgive and give second chances.

Not all the heart is capable of it, but it costs nothing to be kind, even in the face of horrible pain, and shows great strength and resilience on your part.

See also: The 10 most obvious signs that your ex is pretending to have outdone you

7. THE MISTAKES OF OTHERS SHOULD NEVER AFFECT THEIR OVERALL HAPPINESS

The most comforting thing I’ve noticed as I contemplate this is this…

YOU are responsible for your happiness. Not your best friend, not your partner, not your family. You’re the only one who chooses how you’re going to react and what your attitude will be.

If you are going through a heartbreak that might as well not have been intentional, ask yourself: Why am I adamant in holding this pain and therefore extending your damage to me?

This should give you a clear idea of what your next course of action should be. Letting go is not easy, but it is very necessary if you want to be happy and at peace.

On the other hand, if you endured the intentional pain of a loved one that you managed to forgive, this is what you need to ask yourself: If the damage is done and mistakes are forgiven, why am I making myself relive it repeatedly?

And finally, if the pain was too intentional and you still couldn’t forgive them, do the following:

Ask yourself if this person is worth the pain you are feeling right now. Do they deserve to occupy such a large part of your mind?

I think you’ll find that in most cases you don’t. And then, you’ll find a way to overcome that for you and your inner peace.

No one deserves to be the cause of your unceasing pain. So you forgive them, but you don’t allow them back into your heart.

That way, you can move on with a clear conscience, minus a toxic person.

Soon, a huge weight will be lifted from your shoulders and life will become bearable again.

You can’t protect yourself from pain, but you can let it bring about positive change.

There’s no getting around it. Sooner or later, the pain will find him. All your hard work, self-love, and perseverance will be questioned when someone you love hurts you.

However, this pain does not define you. If you choose to look calmly, from a rational point of view, this can bring you peace.

Forgiving is not easy, but you don’t do it for them – you do it for yourself.

Doesn’t that make it a little easier?

After enduring this pain, you can choose who to let in and who never comes near. Your life changes positively and your heart can recover.

You got hurt, but you managed to get out the other side. Now you are stronger and more resilient and your self-love is thriving. What more can you ask for?

At the end of the day, you win. You can move on with a clean slate, consciously choosing happiness over anything that takes it away.

We can’t control the world. We can only (evil) control our reactions to it. Happiness is largely a choice, not a right or right. – David C. Hill

This year wasn’t all I expected. It was a year in which I learned a lot of things but in a hard way.

It was a year when I lost my loved ones, secrets revealing themselves, and saw the people around me taking off their masks and revealing their real faces.

During this year, I’ve learned that I can trust only myself. I learned that no matter how many times everyone tells me they’re going to be there forever, they’re going to walk away, making excuses as soon as things get bad.

I learned that I shouldn’t give too much of myself to people who don’t deserve it and that words mean nothing if the actions are different.

I learned that family doesn’t necessarily mean safety and that anyone who swore they would always protect me came out with the first bump on the road.

This has been a year since I’ve learned a lot about myself. I learned to control my emotions, control the way I react, and embrace every change as if it were the best thing that’s happening to me.

During this year, I’ve completely changed, but I’m totally fine with it.

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I was unlucky enough to lose people I thought were my best friends. But actually, they were with me just for some personal interest.

They were with me because it was convenient for them. And nothing more. So losing them was a bad thing, but when I look closer, I better have seen their real faces in time.

This year you taught me that when someone says they love me, it doesn’t always mean it’s going to last forever. I’ve learned that love is all about how much effort you’re willing to make for someone.

That’s how much you’re willing to give them without asking for anything in return. I’ve learned that I shouldn’t force things, especially when it comes to love. And that was the most important thing I’ve learned so far.

This year also taught me that the only person I should trust is myself. Because I trusted so many people in my life, and they all took advantage of me.

They let me down, taking me for granted and neglecting me. They didn’t see how much I was willing to make an effort for them. They just took care of themselves.

This year I learned that in life I can only trust myself. I’ve learned that every time I fall, I have to get up. I learned that I should never give up.

Because if I do that, I’m completely lost. I’m just going to be another woman who gave up her life. And that’s not something I want to do.

I also learned that there will be different phases in life and that not always everything will be so perfect. There will be difficult moments, moments when I will feel that I am losing my mind, but I will overcome them if I believe in myself.

I’ve learned that life and love aren’t just about a man, and if he doesn’t make me feel happy, then I shouldn’t hold on to him.

I’ve learned that love will come when I least expect it and that it’s something I shouldn’t force. It must come to me naturally.

I learned I don’t need a man to complete myself. I don’t need one to be my hero either. I’m strong and capable enough to take care of myself.

And even when I’m tired to the bone, I’ll find that little bit of power inside me to keep moving. I’ll never give up, especially not myself.

This year taught me many things, and some of them completely changed my view of life. I’ve learned that I can survive everything that happens to me on my own and that I don’t need anyone’s help.

And even though more bad things than good have happened this year, I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful because, in this way, I’ve learned to deal with life’s problems and come out of them with a cool head.

This year helped me grow and understand myself better. And most importantly, it helped me see that no matter how broken I am, I can be whole again.

Cristina is the author of ‘Looking in the Eyes of Anxiety and Depression, a book that will change the way you fight anxiety and depression.

Let’s be honest, no one likes pushy people who just don’t know when to give up. Dealing with people like that is difficult and soon we get overwhelmed with their behavior.

It’s okay to take the first step to show someone that you’re interested in it. However, there is a fine line between doing this and being very strong when you are trying to win someone over.

There must be limits to everything, even flirting. If you’re being too strong with someone you just met, you’re just going to scare him.

When you have a thing for someone, even if you are sure that person is your soul mate, you need to calm down and stay calm. Don’t show them your feelings right away and don’t rush anything.

You don’t want to look too desperate, do you? So stop obsessing about the person you like, be patient and let time do your job.

If you want to know if it is coming too strong and too fast, the ‘follow-up text’ is full of warning signs that you should never ignore.

1. STEADY ADVANTAGE

Nobody likes to show off, but we all do that sometimes. It’s not bad to brag about things once in a while, but we have to have boundaries and boundaries that we shouldn’t cross.

If you constantly brag about yourself, no one will believe you. You have to let other people brag about you.

How are you going to do that?

Well, be kind and treat people fairly, try to be the best at what you do, and do good deeds for others, without expecting anything in return.

Brag too much and constantly talk about yourself, it’s not a way to impress your flirting. That’s just going to make them think you’re desperate.

You don’t need to draw attention to your qualities or something you’ve done. The right person will know how to appreciate you. Be yourself and let them know you.

Most of us would agree that people who like to brag are usually not as talented as they want us to think.

If you brag about how good you are or how much better you are than other people, your crush will only see you as a person full of insecurity.

Everyone has some insecurity, but how we manage them is what counts. Covering your insecurities by bragging about some of your qualities will never be good for your relationship.

You have to show your true self to the other person, because you won’t be able to pretend forever and, of course, the other person deserves to see the real you.

Being very strong and bragging (especially when you just met someone) will cause the other person to form a negative opinion about you. They will see you as a deeply insecure and arrogant person.

2. TOO MANY TEXT MESSAGES

It’s great that you took the first step and asked for their phone number because it shows that you’re confident. Now you have to be careful when sending text messages to them.

You should never be the one who always calls or sends text messages first all the time. It’s normal that you want to be in touch with your passion 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and that you want to know where she is all the time.

However, you have to stay calm. If you’re too strong by texting or calling them too much, you’ll annoy them or they’ll think you’re an idiot.

Even if you’ve met someone you like on a dating site and text messages are your only way of communicating at the moment, you shouldn’t send text messages all the time.

They may think that your life is boring and that you are sitting in front of the computer all day.

If you don’t have a response, don’t keep sending text messages until they respond. They may not have time to respond instantly, or they may not like you and don’t want to keep texting with you.

Besides, don’t write novels for them. I understand that you want to know your passion, but you should leave something to talk about on a date.

You should keep in mind that some people don’t like texting as much as you do, and some people are shy and don’t want to talk too much when you meet them.

If you are too strong with lots of texts and calls, you will just push them away.

3. TALK TOO EARLY

If you just started a new relationship, you need to spend some time with that person and get to know them before you start talking about the future.

If you’re on your first date and say you’d like to define the relationship, your date will think you’re weird.

You have to wait for the right time to talk to your partner about how to define your relationship. The beginning of a relationship is never the right time.

The other person will always show it in some way when they’re ready for the conversation. You just have to wait and listen carefully.

If you just start dating, you should show your partner how relaxed you are. Even if they bring up the subject of the future, you have to be cool.

Reveal your plans and goals to them, but don’t talk about the future of your relationship.

Also, before having a serious conversation with your new partner, you should make sure you want to spend the rest of your life together.

No matter how much you like the other person or even fall in love with them at first glance, you need to know them well before you start making plans for the future with them.

If you hurry, it won’t go as you expected. Trust me, that never happens.

4. AGGRESSIVE FLIRTING

Flirting is how you show someone interested in her romantically. It’s the best way to seduce a person for whom you have a fall, but it has to be done the right way.

Some people are flirtatious cream and can seduce the person they like on any day. On the other hand, some people are desperate to flirt.

If you are trying too hard and get no reaction from the other side, your flirtation can become aggressive. That hindrance to starting a new relationship.

You may think you should try even harder to get the attention of the person you care about. This is wrong. You’re just going to scare this person.

You don’t need to fill them with compliments or leave scary comments on your Instagram photos. You shouldn’t exaggerate anything.

Seducing someone with one touch is the most efficient way to flirt with someone.

It’s smooth and subtle. Unfortunately, some men misinterpret and become very sensitive on the first date, something most women hate.

Maybe you’ve seen it in a movie or tried to copy the flirting technique from your favorite star, but these things DON’T work in real life.

5. EXCESSIVE PRAISE

Compliments are also a good way to flirt. However, you should pay attention to a few things when praising your passion. If you don’t do it the right way, they won’t believe you meant it.

If you’re too strong with compliments, it also means you’re not being honest. You have to give only sincere compliments to your crush.

Sounds too good to be true. If you’re praising a person you like for all the time you spend with her, it will annoy her or make her think you have second thoughts.

You should avoid being too strong with compliments, especially when meeting someone for the first time.

You don’t know anything about this person, so you can only compliment their physical appearance.

Also, you never know how that other person will react to receiving so many compliments. You can scare them because they’ll probably think you’re some kind of weirdo.

I know that if you fall in love with someone, at first sight, you may be fascinated by their beauty. You think they should know how beautiful they are and start praising them.

If you fill your passion with compliments early in the relationship, they will believe that you are not being sincere and that it does not mean what you are saying.

Even if you have developed some strong and deep feelings for them and know that your intentions are honest, they may have the feeling that you are just trying to manipulate them.

6. DEMAND TO LEAVE EVERY DAY

You just met someone and clicked instantly with them. Normally, you enjoy spending time with them, but you should not ask them to spend all the moments of their free time with you.

Remember, we all have different lives and different obligations. You have to respect everyone’s agenda.

If your flirting is busy and can’t go out with you when you invite her, you need to understand. Don’t be angry right away.

Even if they don’t have a busy work schedule, if they don’t want to go out with you, you have to accept without getting angry.

Maybe they need some time alone or are afraid that everything is moving too fast and they need some space.

To be honest, we all need some space in a relationship. You have to be alone sometimes to think about your feelings and your relationship.

You have to relax a little. Demanding that your flirt at all times only makes you look sticky.

Being attached to someone will always lead you to have your heart broken.

7. ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE TO THEM

It’s nice to always be there for your crush when he needs you. They should know that they can trust you in every situation. However, this does not mean that you should be available to them at all times.

You have to let them know that you have your own life and your obligations. You should not make them the center of your life, or worse yet, you should not immediately show them how much they mean to you.

You have your friends and family and should spend some time with them as well.

If you cancel your plans with them every time your flirting calls you out, you will not only lose them, but you will also show your flirt that it’s easy to disappoint the people who love you the most.

Being always available to them is not like showing them that you like spending time with them, it will just make you look and feel desperate.

You always answer their messages instantly and answer calls as soon as the phone rings. It’s like you’ve been waiting all day for a call or text message.

If you were busy and didn’t hear your phone ringing, you immediately apologize for not answering immediately.

You forget your schedule. Not even your work is more important. You let the other person control everything. You let them plan every meeting and agree with everything they suggest.

Not always available for your crush. You need to show them that you are successful and that you need to stick to your schedule.

8. APPEARING IN THEIR HOUSE WITHOUT WARNING

The worst thing you can do if your crush doesn’t answer your messages shows up at his house. It’s off-limits, regardless of the case.

First of all, it’s rude. They may be having a party or some family reunion and you can ruin everything. Their family will see you as someone who has no manners and you may never be welcome in their home again.

Showing up unannounced at your crush’s house is never going well, trust me. It’s even worse if they didn’t give you the address, but you found out somehow.

Your passion will think you’re spying and it might scare you. They may even think that you are some kind of maniac and ask that you never call or talk to them in your life.

9. CONTACT YOUR FAMILY OR BEST FRIENDS WITHOUT THEIR APPROVAL

You should not talk to your family or friends until they introduce you. That means you’re just trying to speed things up in your relationship.

You have to be patient and wait. When your passion is ready, she will introduce you to your parents. Still, you shouldn’t talk to them without your partner’s approval.

One thing they will never forgive you for at the beginning of their relationship is if you call their parents or friends every time you fight.

It’s normal to have some disagreements, after all, you’re still getting to know each other. The important thing is to learn how to deal with them healthily.

You have to learn to solve your problems in particular and not drag others into your conflicts.

The only time you can call your family member or best friend without approval is if you need their help to choose the right gift for your crush’s birthday or some other occasion.

10. CONSTANTLY CHECKING YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA PROFILES

It’s good that you check your Facebook or Instagram profiles and find out some new things about them. However, you should not check them all day long.

You can check some basic information about them, but you don’t need to check what your favorite movies, foods, drinks or songs are. You can wait until the next meeting and ask personally about your interests.

You don’t need to spy on them and check everyone who liked your photos or whose photos they liked. Also, you should never like all the photos right away, especially those from before you even met.

Even if you see something you don’t like, if someone left an inappropriate comment or something, you shouldn’t react immediately.

You shouldn’t react. Remember, you’re still getting to know each other – you’re not even dating yet. Even if you were, they don’t owe you any explanation about things that happened before you even met.

So be smart and don’t ask directly. When the time comes, include it in a conversation topic, and don’t let them know it bothers you so much.

Possessiveness and jealousy can drive away your passion. Believe me, if your passion finds out you’re spying on them, they’ll run away in no time.

11. CONTINUE TO PURSUE THE RELATIONSHIP, EVEN IF THEY HAVE REJECTED YOU MANY TIMES

Rejection will never be good, no matter why. It’s especially hard if you think you’ve finally found your soul mate and they’ve rejected you.

However, you have to learn when to stop trying and pursue the relationship. If a person has rejected you several times, then you have to accept the fact that they don’t like you and you can’t do anything about it.

The more you chase, the more they will be bored with your persistence. You have to know that some people are not meant to be in your life. You have to know when is the right time to stop trying.

Sometimes you’re afraid of losing the person you love so much. You tried to seduce them and you think it’s the only way to win them over.

The truth is that getting too strong and too fast is always a hindrance.

As you can see, there are many obvious red flags that you should never ignore when trying to seduce someone.

If you’re too strong while flirting with someone, it will certainly backfire and ward off your passion.

One thing you don’t want to risk after being broken is being broken again. So most of us end up building walls so high that no one can reach us. We desire love so much and, at the same time, it is the thing that scares us the most.

No way we’re so afraid. Maybe we’ve experienced difficult things in life, maybe we’ve been through a lot, but nothing hurts the way love can hurt.

Moreover, if the reason for our broken heart is someone highly toxic, narcissistic, manipulative or even abusive, the openness to the idea of love becomes even more difficult.

It has to be harder, but it’s definitely not impossible. While love can break us, it can also be the only thing that can heal our wounds, tear down our walls, and remind us why being in love with the right person is considered a blessing.

I was in the same situation after i left my narcissistic relationship. I was so afraid of being vulnerable that I turned it off completely.

But my desire to love and be loved overcame my fears, so I found ways to overcome the fear of falling in love and I want to share them with you:

DON’T GENERALIZE, NOT ALL MEN ARE EQUAL

Although we have all used the phrase “All men are equal” at some point in our lives, this phrase does not apply to real life. There are men out there who go unnoticed so easily because all the toxics are blocking our vision.

We convince ourselves that a bad relationship or a series of bad relationships is all there is, when in reality good men are just harder to find.

So the next time you go out on a date, give this potential boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and don’t see him as a threat. He’s not your ex. Don’t rush into things either, naively believing that he’s a nice guy because he made his heart beat harder.

You’reslow. If he is someone worthy of you, he will respect your pace and hope that you feel that he is someone you can trust and feel safe. And believe me, you’re going to need more than a few dates to get that.

SILENCE YOUR INSECURITY

yes, that’s as hard as it looks. Having that inner critic telling you to be careful, that you’ll end up hurting yourself again if you open up again, that he’s using you, he’s manipulating you, he doesn’t really love you, etc. easier.

If you dealt with a narcissist like I did, this fear of not being enough will haunt you and increase your insecurity.

It won’t be easy, but you have to regain your confidence to silence that terrible inner critic. You have to remember who you were before this devastating relationship.

You have to realize that your ex’s voice saying that you’re not enough has to do with his problems and issues and has nothing to do with you. Discover your self-love, and when you find it, things will naturally fit in.

ATTACK YOUR WALLS

Living within these emotional walls is a place where you feel most comfortable. You feel protected and safe, so pain and pain can’t reach you. On the other hand, love and happiness cannot achieve it either.

And even though you feel safe now, there will come a day when you will feel empty and as if you are losing your life, even if you are also losing the pain.

Attack and challenge these walls. Show them that your bad experience has made you stronger. That your bad experience doesn’t define you and that it can’t stop you from experiencing a healthy kind of love.

Falling in love again after being broken is scary, it’s risky, but love is also worth the risk. Don’t miss your chance of true love because you feel very comfortable within these emotional walls that you have built.

ACCEPT YOUR FEELINGS AS THEY COME

Happiness and sadness, joy and pain will inevitably take a turn to be part of your life. You can’t protect yourself from pain without the risk of losing happiness. You can’t experience true joy without the risk of feeling pain.

Of course, no one wants to get hurt, no one wants to cry or go through any difficulty in life, but pain is something we can’t just skip. If you accept that sadness and pain are as inevitable as happiness and joy, you will become more open to the idea of letting love come into your life again, no matter the risk.

CHANGE YOUR PATTERNS

If you feel that all the relationships you’ve been in are similar to the previous ones, maybe you should rethink the way you choose your partner. Try dating someone who’s completely the opposite of your ex.

Don’t rush into things. Meet the person you’re dating before you enter into a relationship. Chemistry is more than welcome, but friendship must come first.

Make your future boyfriend also your best friend, someone you can trust above all else, because this will give you the security you need to love again.

When the heavens take away your loved one from you, every day that passes without them is difficult in its own way.

However, the holiday season is especially difficult.

While everyone thinks of this period as the best time of year, you struggle with your thoughts.

The pain and memories haunt you, and no one more than you try, you can’t be part of the holiday euphoria.

Well, I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to force yourself into anything.

In fact, their struggles are completely natural.

However, this does not mean that you should allow the pain to consume you.

That’s why we’re here to give you some important reminders to make this time of year as easy as possible.

YOU’RE NOT WEAK BECAUSE YOU FEEL THAT WAY

Whenever sadness comes to you, you can’t believe you’re still as weak as you were last year.

You remember all the advice you’ve heard about time healing all wounds, but it seems that none of this is reaching your brain, and you still feel like you haven’t moved an inch.

Well, let me say that you’re not alone in this and that you’re not weak.

Different people have different coping mechanisms and different ways of dealing with their sadness, so just because you don’t see your closest ones crying all day, that doesn’t mean they’re not going through the same things as you.

However, even if you’re the only one feeling that way, and even though it looks like everyone has been able to cope better with the pain, it’s still no reason for you to feel bad and not consider yourself strong enough.

Remember that we all take different amounts of time to heal and that this is not a linear process.

Don’t let anyone dictate your recovery pace.

So please don’t blame yourself for not being able to control your emotions.

You already have enough in your chest and mind.

You don’t have to bring guilt and self-judgment to the table either.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO FORCE HAPPINESS

It’s the holiday season, the Christmas movies are on TV, literally everything is discounted, the whole town is covered in bright lights, the kids are getting gifts, everyone is decorating the Christmas tree…

A real idyllic atmosphere, right?

However, when you are feeling down, the last thing you want is to be pressured to feel happy just because everyone around you is in the Christmas spirit.

And that’s exactly what you should do: get emotional and excited all the time.

However, I’m here to tell you that you don’t have forced happiness if that’s not how you feel.

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

If you don’t want to ride the tree or not even celebrate Christmas, don’t let anyone talk about it.

If you want to skip the New Year’s party and feel much better spending a cozy evening wrapped in your blanket and watching TV, it’s also something you should do.

Instead of worrying that you will be seen as a freak for not following the flow, do what is best suited for your emotional and mental health.

Instead of meeting other people’s expectations and plight them, put yourself first and make this time of year as easy as possible for you.

BUT YOU SHOULDN’T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT BEING HAPPY EITHER.

When we’re in the middle of the grieving process, sometimes we stop being happy because of guilt.

Everyone who’s been through the loss of a loved one knows what I’m talking about.

You subconsciously do not allow yourself to continue living your life to the fullest without this person present in this world.

You think being happy without them would be a kind of betrayal, so you feel guilty for every breath you give simply because they no longer have a chance to do that.

For example, you stop making the traditions you followed with your loved one who passed away and feel that he resents you for living your life as if you had never been a part of it.

You think you don’t appreciate this person’s memory enough just because you dare to celebrate the holidays alone.

Well, let me tell you that this is the worst thing you could do yourself, because then, you will not only miss the person we are talking about, but also the vacation and everything related to it.

In fact, you will probably end up being torn between your true desires and your subconscious that haunts you.

Also, keep in mind that the loved ones you’ve lost would be happy to see you happy – the last thing they’d like is to see you overwhelmed with their memory.

BE HONEST WITH THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU

Another important thing you should not forget when missing a loved one during the holiday season is to be honest with everyone around you.

Don’t get me wrong – that doesn’t mean you’re bound to pour out your soul in front of all the people you know or cross your path.

However, to keep your relationships healthy, you need to tell your closest loved ones how you feel and present them with your plans.

For example, if you don’t want to attend Christmas dinner or celebrate New Year’s Eve with your friends, let them know on time and talk briefly about their reasons because you don’t want them to feel offended or think you’re avoiding them.

Also, just because you’ve lost a loved one doesn’t mean you still don’t have many people who care about you.

Of course, one person cannot replace the other, but you must turn to those who are still in this world when you are going through difficult times.

Even if you don’t think so, trust me when I say that the people around you can and will help you ease your pain – you just need to leave them and give them access.

YOU’RE GOING TO GET BETTER

I know someone telling you that you’re going to be better is the last thing you want to hear.

I know this kind of makes it like an empty phrase and something people say to comfort you when they’re speechless.

However, it’s really the truth.

No, you will never forget your loved one in heaven, but eventually you will learn to live with pain.

The holidays will pass and before you know it, you will be forced to return to your daily routine and everyday activities.

Until next season comes…

Why not go and buy flowers today? You totally deserve them and definitely don’t have to wait for a special occasion.

Today is the perfect day for much-needed self-care, and a bouquet of fresh flowers can instantly improve your mood.

For me, beautifully assembled flower arrangements are the perfect stimulus. Having a bad day at work, fresh daffodils on my desk will improve everything.

Is my boyfriend getting on my nerves? Don’t mind me, I’m going to take a walk in my local flower shop and buy the biggest peony bouquet there is!

Honestly, I can’t articulate my obsession with flowers to do them justice.

Whether they’re well placed on my dining table, displayed on my work desk, or make my garden look amazing, there’s nothing like them!

So the next time someone asks who you’re buying these fresh flowers for, proudly tell me and buy the most beautiful wildflowers there are.

And if you need a reason, no problem – here are 20 of them:

REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE (MORE THAN) WELL

You know what? There’s nothing wrong with taking a second to appreciate yourself, your work, your unwavering dedication, and the effort you put into everything you do.

Sometimes life is simply too much to deal with, and going to your favorite florist to buy a flower is a form of self-love that allows you to put aside your anxiety and just breathe.

Life can wait a minute (or twenty).

BECAUSE YOU 100% DESERVE THEM

The most beautiful thing about buying flowers for yourself is that you don’t need a single reason to do it.

Why shouldn’t the thought of going to a flower shop to buy beautiful tulips be the same as going to a grocery store? I mean, it’s total.

So don’t let anyone make you feel weird by showing a little self-love. Fresh and beautiful flowers help improve your self-esteem, and it doesn’t have to be Valentine’s Day to show love.

See also: Powerful ways to increase self-love and stop feeling unwanted

FLOWERS CAN BRIGHTEN ANY ENVIRONMENT IN AN INSTANT

Buy flowers for yourself, because every time you’re going through something and looking around the room, all you’ll see are beautifully cut flowers everywhere around you, and this will immediately put a smile on your face.

Also, how beautiful is a house with a lot of fresh flowers carefully selected?

It’s such a simple thing, but in the grand scheme of things, it means a lot. And isn’t that wonderful?

YOU SAW A BEAUTIFUL BOUQUET ON THE WAY HOME THAT YOU JUST COULDN’T RESIST

A few days ago, I was coming home from yoga practice, having had a terrible day. It was starting to rain, I didn’t have my umbrella and I was about to lose it.

Then I passed my local florist and saw a bouquet that took my breath away. I don’t normally shop on impulse, but that time, I just had to go in and buy it.

And guess what? Immediately upon entering the flower shop, my mood changed and the flowers I received still make every bad day that I have a little better.

YOU DON’T NEED A GUY TO GIVE YOU FLOWERS

As chivalrous as it is when a guy gives you flowers (which isn’t as frequent as it should be, but that’s okay), it’s no reason to wait if you want to buy flowers.

After all, you have yourself, don’t you? You know where the flower shop is and you know exactly what you like.

Go ahead and get the biggest bouquet of your dreams. Girls need to start doing nice things for themselves for no reason. This should become a new norm.

See also: How to emotionally let go of someone: 14 steps to success

WE ALL DESERVE MORE BEAUTY IN OUR LIVES

Life can be very difficult sometimes. And I don’t mean you or me individually.

The world in general can be such a chaotic place, and being close to anything good, beautiful, and uplifting is an opportunity that cannot be missed.

Well, then, yes. Buy flowers today. Buy two, up to three bouquets, if you like. Damn it, give one to your best friend and leave two for yourself.

Beauty is something we all need more today, so take the chance you can to be close to it and absorb everything.

BECAUSE OFTEN YOU’RE TOO YOURSELF

I think we can all be our worst critics sometimes. But believe me, no one sees you the way you see yourself.

The flaws and shortcomings you see are cute and unique peculiarities that your loved ones appreciate more than you think. Even if you have a glitch or two, so what? Who doesn’t?

Buy some fresh flowers and be nicer to yourself. You’re doing the best you can and if sometimes that’s not enough, at least you’ve tried your best.

There’s no way to please everyone, so be kind and patient with yourself.

BECAUSE YOU’VE OVERCOME ALL THE OBSTACLES THAT LIFE HAS PUT IN YOUR WAY

Every difficulty that life presents to you, you overcome and today you are stronger and more resilient to it.

Everything you’ve never in a million years thought you’d get over, you knocked straight out of the park. And for that, you deserve to buy flowers.

You’re stronger than you think and you can do a lot more than you believe! So go ahead and do what makes you happy. If it’s a bouquet of fresh flowers, so be it.

FLOWERS ARE ONE OF THE COOLEST UNNECESSARY THINGS IN THE WORLD

When you think about it, flowers are kind of unnecessary, in the sense that we can live totally without them and not suffer for them.

But, they also can improve your mood, brighten your day and put a smile on your face. And for that reason, I think they’re one of the coolest (if not the coolest) things on this earth!

Isn’t it as peculiar as something without which we can logically live, can be so beneficial to your life and well-being?

See also: Epistolary relationship: 6 reasons to bring back old school romance

BECAUSE YOU’RE SO MUCH MORE FUCKED UP THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE

And a fucking bitch deserves a flower. Oh, yes! Remember that time you thought life was worse than it could be?

And look at yourself now. Fine, as if nothing had happened (you will, girl!) And isn’t that the case every time you feel that life couldn’t give you worse cards if you tried?

Then buy yourself flowers because of your inner badass. You are a force to be recognized – someone who can do anything she decides. And today, they’re tulips!

BECAUSE YOU’RE LOVED

His parents love him, his brothers love him, his significant other loves him, and God knows how much his best friend loves him.

Then why not love yourself? Didn’t you know that self-love is the most important kind of love there is?

I know that buying flowers for yourself may seem like a silly idea, but when you do good things for yourself for no reason, you’re showing love and self-care. And that’s not so necessary?

THERE’S A LOT MORE AHEAD

You can’t imagine how much life you still have to live. The number of opportunities waiting and the number of chances for a happy life is plentiful.

Stop to absorb all this for a moment and just enjoy where you are. You can’t imagine where life will take you in two months, let alone two years.

So enjoy every moment you are without denying yourself any pleasure. And if you’re a flower fanatic like me, you know that a flower (or twelve) can do wonders for your mental health.

FAKE FLOWERS HAVE NOTHING IN FRESH FLOWERS

I used to buy fake flowers because let’s are honest, it’s easier that way, and who has time to take care of real fresh flowers?

Or at least that’s what I thought. As you can see, I kind of changed my tone. Over time, I realized that nothing can replace the beautiful, freshly cut, and beautifully arranged flowers of my favorite flower shop.

And keeping them takes a few minutes. So, yes, there’s nothing for it. Go get the real thing and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

See also: How to put it all aside: 12 secrets to ultimate freedom

NO SCENTED CANDLE CAN REPLACE THE SMELL OF A FLOWER

I have nothing against scented candles – quite the contrary, I’m a big fan! But if I had to choose between them and flowers, I would always choose the latter!

And honestly, the reason is very simple. As fresh as the candles are, they have nothing in that fresh smell of a flower that was recently harvested.

It’s as natural as it sounds and yet it smells unrealistically amazing. Buy flowers because you deserve that mesmerizing feeling every day.

BECAUSE YOU’VE LEARNED SO MUCH ALONG THE WAY

You’ve learned that sometimes, for sure, life will give you lemons, but that’s okay. You’re just going to go for a walk in your flower shop and replace that horrible smell with some really good peonies you’ve always wanted to buy.

You understand what I mean, right? Don’t deny having something so beautiful because life can sometimes suck.

That’s all the more reason to make everything better for you, even for just a few minutes.

BECAUSE YOU LOVE DOING GOOD THINGS FOR YOURSELF

For a long period, I was without a boyfriend, and due to having recently moved to a new city, I was kind of friends too. yes, it wasn’t so cool, but what was I going to do?

Was I going to let it bring me down and wallow in my self-inflicted misery? No, sir, I’m not.

Do you know what I did? I went ahead and bought some beautiful flowers and made my apartment feel at home! Sometimes the little things can have the greatest effect on you.

See also: 18 simple ways to become a priority the way you deserve

BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO FALTER AND GET UP

You’ve been defeated many times. Misery is no stranger to you. But standing isn’t either!

You know the feeling of not being good enough and how much it can exhaust you. But you also know that just because it may seem like this at the moment, this is not the end of your journey.

Every time you fall, you learn something new about yourself that ends up being a valuable lesson. And you deserve a flower for every time you get up.

BECAUSE YOU’RE AS FEARLESS AS POSSIBLE

You’re not afraid to cross the line. You’re never the only one who’s run away from a challenge. You know that life is all about testing your limits and seeing how far you can go.

And you’ve gone far, but you’re far from finished. You’re only halfway there.

Fearlessness is in your blood, and you will never let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. The same goes for buying flowers. The weirder they look, the more flowers you get!

BECAUSE YOU’RE AUTHENTICALLY REAL

Do you know how rare this is in today’s world? How rarely do I meet people who are genuinely loyal to who they are?

I mean, being authentic isn’t easy, but isn’t it better than putting on a mask every day? You live your life guided by authenticity. You’re not interested in being anyone but your only one.

If you want to buy flowers, then that’s what you’ll do. If you want to walk barefoot down the street, that’s exactly what you will do. No shame, no regrets.

BECAUSE YOU DESERVE A GOOD GESTURE TODAY AND EVERY OTHER DAY

You’re perfectly imperfect in your way. You don’t feel the need to apologize for the way it is, but you’re also too attentive to never hurt anyone in the process.

You are kind, considerate, genuine, and intelligent. And you deserve a good gesture, even if it means having to do it for yourself. And what’s wrong with that?

People will let you down often, but one thing’s for sure:

You’ll never, ever be disappointed. And that’s one of the most beautiful traits of a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need anyone but herself.