When you fall to the lowest point of your life and your whole body is sore from the pain you are feeling deep in your heart and soul, you have no choice but to change.
You have no choice but to change the way you do things, the way you see the world, and the way you allow others to treat you.
When you get tired of being broken again and again, when you get tired of doing different things, but always ending up in the same place, when you get tired of people constantly letting you down, you realize that there’s no point in being angry with someone or holding a grudge because, in the end, it doesn’t do you any good.
For a long time, I’ve been mad at the whole world. For a long time, I was fighting battles inside my head, keeping me up late at night and arguing with God for letting everything hurt me.
But then I realized it’s not God who’s doing me so much damage. I’m the one holding back the pain others have caused me.
For a long time, I held a grudge and allowed my anger to spread within me. I was solely responsible for letting my soul rot because I didn’t know otherwise.
I still struggle with it, but I’m slowly learning to let go. I’m slowly learning the wisdom of this life.
I’m slowly learning that those who have drifted away should never stay.
Everyone who came into my life had a purpose. You were supposed to love me, break me or teach me a lesson. Sometimes it was all that together.
But regardless of the feelings caused or my wishes that they remain in my life, now I know that no one who shouldn’t be in my life could stay, no matter how much I wanted.
I’m slowly learning that those who weren’t there for me when they should be didn’t know better.
Not all people in this world can feel empathy. Not all people feel they should be there in times of need for those who have been there for them.
Not all people like me and that’s fine. Now I know that those who chose not to be there for me knew nothing better.
They don’t know how to take care of anyone but themselves. And let me down had nothing to do with me. I’m finally ready to accept that it wasn’t my fault.
I’m slowly learning that those who hurt me don’t have to have power over me forever.
I’m learning to stop empowering people who hurt me. I’m learning to forgive and move on.
I’m slowly teaching myself how to heal, patch my wounds and not just allow people to have power over me long after they hurt me.
Truth be told, they chose to deliberately hurt me or chose to ignore the things they did to me, so why should I allow them to occupy my mind and disturb my peace? I shouldn’t and I won’t.
I’m gradually learning that I don’t have to force anything.
The time has come to admit to myself that the people who should be in my life don’t expect me to pursue them. I won’t have to beg anyone – not for love, not for time, not for putting myself on your priority list.
I need to learn to be patient and trust that everything has its own time in my life and that the things that must happen will find their way to me. Meanwhile, the least I can do is try to be the best version of myself. As simple as that.
I’m slowly learning that living in the past isn’t living.
For a long time, I clung to pass events and went over them in my head. For a long time, I had this terrible habit of thinking about the things that hurt me and what I could have done to avoid them.
For a long time, I imagined the events that broke my heart with different results. And that’s not how you live life.
That’s how you get stuck in the past and miss living. You have to put aside what happened to fully welcome the things in life that are going your way.
Gradually I’m learning to control my life.
I let so many things happen to me to determine my life course. I allowed other people’s actions to affect my behavior and the way I treat myself and my life.
For a long time, I was toxic to myself because I didn’t know how to let go or how to take control. I clung to the things that happened and it all burned in me for a long time. But not anymore.
Now it’s time for me to forgive those who hurt me. It’s time to move on.
It’s time to put aside all the emotional baggage I have; It’s time to accept all the lessons I’ve learned and others have forced me to learn. It’s time to put aside the pain others have caused me and know better than to allow them to do it again.
It’s time to be happy. I may not get there right away, but I’m ready for this journey.
It’s not going to happen overnight, but I’m sure it will eventually happen.
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