One thing you don’t want to risk after being broken is being broken again. So most of us end up building walls so high that no one can reach us. We desire love so much and, at the same time, it is the thing that scares us the most.
No way we’re so afraid. Maybe we’ve experienced difficult things in life, maybe we’ve been through a lot, but nothing hurts the way love can hurt.
Moreover, if the reason for our broken heart is someone highly toxic, narcissistic, manipulative or even abusive, the openness to the idea of love becomes even more difficult.
It has to be harder, but it’s definitely not impossible. While love can break us, it can also be the only thing that can heal our wounds, tear down our walls, and remind us why being in love with the right person is considered a blessing.
I was in the same situation after i left my narcissistic relationship. I was so afraid of being vulnerable that I turned it off completely.
But my desire to love and be loved overcame my fears, so I found ways to overcome the fear of falling in love and I want to share them with you:
DON’T GENERALIZE, NOT ALL MEN ARE EQUAL
Although we have all used the phrase “All men are equal” at some point in our lives, this phrase does not apply to real life. There are men out there who go unnoticed so easily because all the toxics are blocking our vision.
We convince ourselves that a bad relationship or a series of bad relationships is all there is, when in reality good men are just harder to find.
So the next time you go out on a date, give this potential boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and don’t see him as a threat. He’s not your ex. Don’t rush into things either, naively believing that he’s a nice guy because he made his heart beat harder.
You’reslow. If he is someone worthy of you, he will respect your pace and hope that you feel that he is someone you can trust and feel safe. And believe me, you’re going to need more than a few dates to get that.
SILENCE YOUR INSECURITY
yes, that’s as hard as it looks. Having that inner critic telling you to be careful, that you’ll end up hurting yourself again if you open up again, that he’s using you, he’s manipulating you, he doesn’t really love you, etc. easier.
If you dealt with a narcissist like I did, this fear of not being enough will haunt you and increase your insecurity.
It won’t be easy, but you have to regain your confidence to silence that terrible inner critic. You have to remember who you were before this devastating relationship.
You have to realize that your ex’s voice saying that you’re not enough has to do with his problems and issues and has nothing to do with you. Discover your self-love, and when you find it, things will naturally fit in.
ATTACK YOUR WALLS
Living within these emotional walls is a place where you feel most comfortable. You feel protected and safe, so pain and pain can’t reach you. On the other hand, love and happiness cannot achieve it either.
And even though you feel safe now, there will come a day when you will feel empty and as if you are losing your life, even if you are also losing the pain.
Attack and challenge these walls. Show them that your bad experience has made you stronger. That your bad experience doesn’t define you and that it can’t stop you from experiencing a healthy kind of love.
Falling in love again after being broken is scary, it’s risky, but love is also worth the risk. Don’t miss your chance of true love because you feel very comfortable within these emotional walls that you have built.
ACCEPT YOUR FEELINGS AS THEY COME
Happiness and sadness, joy and pain will inevitably take a turn to be part of your life. You can’t protect yourself from pain without the risk of losing happiness. You can’t experience true joy without the risk of feeling pain.
Of course, no one wants to get hurt, no one wants to cry or go through any difficulty in life, but pain is something we can’t just skip. If you accept that sadness and pain are as inevitable as happiness and joy, you will become more open to the idea of letting love come into your life again, no matter the risk.
CHANGE YOUR PATTERNS
If you feel that all the relationships you’ve been in are similar to the previous ones, maybe you should rethink the way you choose your partner. Try dating someone who’s completely the opposite of your ex.
Don’t rush into things. Meet the person you’re dating before you enter into a relationship. Chemistry is more than welcome, but friendship must come first.
Make your future boyfriend also your best friend, someone you can trust above all else, because this will give you the security you need to love again.
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